13 Healthy Personal Boundaries in Romantic Relationships
The Benefits and Meanings of Personal Boundaries in Your Relationships
The definition of boundaries in relationships is a clear line that marks the limits we are willing to tolerate. Boundaries that honor our identity, responsibility, and control over ourselves, wants, needs, and desires. Look at boundaries as a way of loving and protecting yourself, while loving another person. Most people struggle with setting boundaries with their partners for fear of losing them, feeling rejection, or coming off as selfish. Every time those boundaries are crossed, and we allow it, resentments and tension begin to build. The important guidelines to follow are to not compromise your values, know your wants and needs, and don’t be afraid to say no.
There are so many benefits to sticking to your boundaries. Your partner will have greater respect for you and your assertiveness. If they don’t, maybe it’s not meant to be. There will be a feeling of peace and safety when your partner respects your boundaries. You will maintain a strong energy that will nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Your self-esteem and confidence will be on a high, with limited stress and anxiety. Relationships shouldn’t be challenging. They should easily flow with only minor hiccups along the way. If you feel you are flowing upstream against the current and dodging rocks, you might not be in a healthy relationship.
Here is a list of boundaries that are important to have in place when you are in a relationship:
In the beginning, communicate what type of relationship you are looking for. Monogamous, polyamorous, or open. That is very important. Don’t try to force something that you know won’t work for you because you are attracted to someone.
Have an expectation to be respected. You should feel confident to communicate with maturity and no anger in disagreements. Learn to walk away if tensions are high and there is a need to decompress before. It is okay to say, “I need to walk away right now before I say something I might regret. Give me an hour to decompress, then we will talk about it.”
Have your own identity. Don’t try to become the person you are with. Continue doing the things that bring you joy. Never allow another person to change who you are and what you love.
Know when you need personal space and quiet time. We all need to decompress and gain our energy back from being around the ones we love and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s important to communicate this with your partner, so insecurity doesn’t arise.
If a boundary is crossed, voice your concerns immediately, and don’t hold onto resentments. Too many times we allow others to walk all over us because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. In these cases, you compromise your inner peace. Especially if you allow it to repeatedly happen.
Don’t be afraid to say no to your partner. If you know something doesn’t feel good, say no. There is nothing wrong with that. If you allow yourself to be put into a position that causes you disharmony, it will only build up more resentment towards that person. I understand that saying no at first can be stressful, but you will save your well-being in the end.
Refuse to play the blame game. This is not healthy to do in a relationship. It takes two to tango, as they say. Instead of blaming each other, sit down and talk about where each of you made mistakes and try to amend them.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you are struggling. Often, we try to be strong in relationships and not let our partners know when we need help. This can manifest in other negative ways. Such as your partner creating a story in their head that isn’t true about what is happening. This can be a detriment to the relationship.
It’s okay to be vulnerable to build intimacy in a relationship. You want to be with someone you can be open and share your life with. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are strong to be able to share your lowest moments, so you don’t isolate yourself.
Every human being has a right to privacy. If you are with someone and you feel the need to check their phone, follow them, or always know where they are, maybe the relationship isn’t healthy. You may have deep-rooted issues you need to heal before you can be in a relationship. If they aren’t trustworthy, maybe you shouldn’t be with them in the first place. Don’t sacrifice your peace for someone else’s actions.
Express your sexual boundaries in your relationship. This is very important. Everyone has different sexual wants and needs. If they don’t align, maybe it’s not meant to be. Don’t force something that makes you feel uncomfortable. The opposite could also happen; maybe a new experience could expand your boundaries to create new experiences you never could’ve imagined. The choice is all yours.
Express the importance of your religious & spiritual boundaries. If spirituality is important to you and it bothers you that it doesn’t align with your partner, you might have to decide. Some people can share in different ways of thinking and live with each other, while others may continue to try to change a person to agree with them…. which is not healthy. Remember you can’t change anyone else and their beliefs.
You are not always right about everything. Agree to disagree if there are areas in relationships where you have different beliefs. If there is a subject that you know will ignite an argument, don’t even go there. You have the willpower to stop yourself.
I think Brene Brown said it best: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” You have a choice to protect your peace and happiness. Sometimes that choice is difficult, especially if you are a people pleaser. If you don’t want someone to walk over you in a relationship, don’t be afraid to set them. You will have a much healthier, happier, and more peaceful relationship following these guidelines.
